The same same
“Ughhhh, shit” is basically the first thing I say when I get up most mornings now a days. Which is a somewhat recent and disturbing development for me.
I’ve hit a little bump in the road that is life and it started happening round about the time the first Corona lock down got put into effect. Something about forcing me to stay at home for two entire months just put a damper on my soul, chipped off a piece of my armor, you might even say it threw a wrench in my stride. In short,” I’ve gone and lost my freaking MOJO”!
Since then I’ve just lost interest in everything......, well, not really everything and I cant really put a finger on what exactly it is that I’ve lost interest in but that old, familiar spark is just missing. POOF, gone, not there anymore.
I’m not talking about my family life either, that’s perfect, or as close to it as is realistically possible. The kids are awesome and I’m still amazed as to why someone as great as my wife would stick it out with me of all people for twenty plus years. No, it goes deeper than that, down to the very essence of my being. Its like I woke up one morning and my subconscious self just said “fuck it”.
I’ve always been a loud, energetic, somewhat funny individual. Without trying, I easily found the humor in most situations and was able to get along with about 95% of people ( the five percenters can go screw themselves, I hate them). I got up in the morning and looked forward to my day, basically content with my lot and coasting through life.
Suddenly It’s all become a matter of the SSDD or “same shit different day” syndrome. Something that I’ve heard people talk about but never given much thought. I’m trying to force myself out of this rut by excepting a lot of odd job projects at work, things I would usually balk at, just to mix things up a bit. It’s actually proving to be quite.... fun wouldn’t be the word I’d use to describing the entire process but “interesting” comes very close . I’ve come across quite a few things in the last few months that I've either never done before or not done in so long it might as well be a new experience. Things such as network installation, setting up people’s computers, building furniture, creating mural designs, restoring stone floors, cleaning roofs (which I actually did do quite a few times back in the day and have now been reminded why I stopped doing it.... birds will literally crap on any and everything), etc.
It’s come to the point where I’ve even changed up my day to day routines and habits a bit in a few petty little ways. Ridiculous things such as not reading up on the news first thing in the morning (which is just filled with reports concerning the whole Corona situation anyway), cutting down to having only one cup of the life giving elixir that is coffee before 7am , even making the concentrated effort of putting my left sock on before the usual right. Anything to shake things up a bit.
Last month I even went so far as to ditch my normal protein supplement, that I’ve been using for the last decade or so and bought a huge container of“growth powder", under the pretext that it’s something different.
Mike, the guy at the supplement store who’s known me for a while now, even warned me about using it. Long story short. I didn’t want to listen, bought it anyway and proceeded to have two helpings a day as per usual. Three weeks later and I’ve put on five kilograms on top of the usual extra Christmas padding. Which combined together totals a whopping eight kilograms that I now have to get rid of. I’ve obviously thrown the evil, hideous stuff in the trash and am back to my usual diet. What a crappy start to the new year.
This is in no way supposed to be a whiny little post about my personal issues, nor do I suffer from some form of Freudian depression. It’s merely an observation on my current state of being, which I will beat back into shape in good time. So while I work through these issues and continue my quest to hunt down my elusive Mojo. I can only hope that 2021 turns out to be better than the crap show that 2020 proved to be. I also give a hearty, middle
fingered salute to the Corona virus and everything it stands for.